User blog:Sioraf.killeens/Sioraf's Happenings Lately

Now we've talked about our ancestries. I feel happier after it, although I think people are essentially the same the world over and I don't really identify with other Irish people it's comforting that Len and Liz have some Irish blood. I find it cool that Len is a Latina as well, there are virtually none in Ireland you see. Apparently there are hundreds of Japanese but I've never seen any here though I did see a bunch near some Japan related building in Paris when I was on holiday there. Liz is partly Welsh which is funny because Wales is where I've gone on holiday to the most, the only foreign country I've been to more than once.

I keep thinking I nearly have a sixpack but now I think it has finally almost happened and that the reward for the years of work I've put into my muscles will finally be recieved either this year or next. I'm rather bored as Congress Infinity is out but only to people who have donated to the site of the company who makes the game and I still don't have a new graphics card so I can't play Tropico 5. Mom having low iron levels getting even simple tasks done can take literally months. Having SAD late October to late March are even harder months for me than other months so I hope to have both games before December, certainly I want them, the rest of my birthday presents, before Christmas. 

I never lie but I wonder if I'm lying to myself about my romantic leaning; I wonder if I'm aromantic but subconsciously don't want to admit it. Yep, I still wonder about that. 

I'm pretty sure it's a fact that being a female is excruciatingly hard as Elle said I should be very very grateful to not be a woman. Even so I want to be more feminine. More feminine, but not effeminate.

My life of course is still a huge mess for the usual reasons plus the added fact that Mom and The Rottweiler are both going to bed later than usual these days. Today and yesterday have been a haze of junk food and YouTube videos. I hope I have finally kicked p*rnography, for good this time. You may think it odd that a prude like me would be addicted to that as well as *asturbation but I did have a wild phase in my teenage years as I've said before. I don't hate anybody and never will again God willing but I am a bit upset that I don't love anyone. I want to love everyone, in a Jesus way. There's this person on Tumblr rabi-en-rose that Elle follows who also has depression. I'd like to tell her that I do too and to quote Bill Clinton "I feel your pain" but this is me, socially anxious Sioraf who's too socially anxious to get himself to mass in spite of wanting to. Hanging with Liz and Elle and Len gives my life meaning, it would have meaning anyway but being with them literally doubles it. I'm getting along well with other human beings on this wiki and not only that but girls, the last time I was friends with a girl was 1999 or so. In spite of my clowning I see myself as being like an old man and have for years. Remembering the past, thinking about death. I'm still too scared to be their friend but anyone who is friends with Elle and Liz and Len has good taste in friends. They're sweet and gentle and wonderful people. I continue categorising images but at this rate it will take about 295 days or something to get them all categorised.